You are not your effing khakis. Don't participate in Black Friday.

From Adbusters: http://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/bnd

In St. Louis, people are already lining up outside Best Buy. They'll be the first to snag bargains at the biggest shopping day of the year. So. What.

Here are a few things to do instead:

Go for a walk.
Talk to a neighbor.
Bake a pie.
Cuddle with your dog.
Write a letter.
Read a magazine.
Stretch.
Play football.
Call your grandma.
Research a country you know nothing about.
Go through your closet and get rid of clothes.
Look at old photographs.
Put on some music.
Write a rap song.

All of these things are more fun than pushing past a fat dude to grab the last flat screen.

Happy Thanksgiving. Mine consisted of trying to gulp down spoonfuls of mashed sweet potatoes.

My advice for people getting their wisdom teeth removed: Just because you feel all right the first day doesn't mean you can't turn into a chipmunk the second. Put the ice on your face. I look like I'm storing up for three consecutive winters. I should have just stuck it out and looked like a babushka with an ice-stuffed shawl tied around my face.

Other tips:

1. Soup without chunks. I can't tell if there's a bit of skin or mushroom stuck under my stitches.
2. Vicodin isn't that great. I took Ibuprofen instead and could stay awake without being too loopy.
3. Be aware of mood swings. The second I stood up from the chair, I was bawling. "Mahhhmmm I'm not sad, I'm just cryyyying." Like other emotional incidences involving events that don't really mean anything, it passes.